Two Big Moments
I have been waiting to decide whether to post this, when to post this and exactly how to post this. At first I was waiting because I had something good to share and I didn’t want to jump the gun (even though I do not believe that you can hex anything). Then the good news, turned to bad news and I just have not known how to address it. So, I decided today that I would just get to the point.
We received some exciting news at the beginning of August. We found out that I was no longer going to be a mom-of-one (hence the blog address), but a mom of more than one. We found out that I was ten weeks pregnant and we were shocked, as we had been told this would never happen (read first or second post). So, it took us a week or so to even get our brains around the idea that this was even happening. Since we had NO CLUE how being pregnant works…when do you go to the doctor?, what medicine can I take?, why do I suddenly have the extreme sense of smell? etc…we jumped in with both feet. Feet that were scared to death I must say. The late nights, diaper bags, potty training and teething seemed like a really long time ago in those first days of finding out. It seemed our six year old was a baby in another lifetime!
Sadly, the day before we were to hear the baby’s heartbeat, I miscarried. Ugh…really there are no words. My husband’s words were “that it feels like God is teasing us with a dangling carrot over our heads”. It felt like that and a lot of other feelings too. I think what stands out the most from these last weeks is just the amazement of how in a minute (well three according to the EPT) you find out you’re pregnant – and then in a moment you can realize that you no longer are. Isn’t that the way life is though? And the thing is we never know when that next life changing moment is going to happen.
I have held on to this simple statement for the last month and it is this: God is God and I am not.
I really don’t need to know why He allowed me to get pregnant. I don’t need to know why he allowed me to miscarry. I don’t need to know how this all fits into the plan He has for me and my family. All that I need to know is: God is God and I am not.
For me, that has been enough.
